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the party's just begun

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Am i back? [25 Mar 2006|02:38am]
Yea so it's been quite a while... Am i even still alive?
only pretend

[19 Jul 2005|12:09am]
[ mood | crazy ]


only pretend

[18 Jul 2005|01:10pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

this is unbelieveable.

Who thought that being honest would cause so much fucking chaos!??!
I'm through being honest. All it causes is mayhem.

I'll elaborate later.

In the meantime- fuck these bitches. Seriously.

1 only pretend

Leaving.. on a Jet plane.. [03 Jul 2005|03:01pm]
[ mood | chipper.. but hungover ]

Actually.. its in my car. By myself.
*rolls eyes*

Yea. I'm leaving in about a 1/2 hour for Long Island, NY. I'm going to see my friend, well roommate, Tracy for the 4th. She's staying in East Quogue for the summer, working and stuff. But its cool cause its right next to the Hamptons. So maybe i'll see some famous people.

Lots i should update about, but im too hungover to care right now.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT 4TH!! and I'll update on Tuesday when i get back!!

*peace sign*

only pretend

Torn. [23 Jun 2005|10:06pm]
[ mood | drained ]

So now that i work at Wet Seal, I'm in a bit of a dilemma.
I'm also part of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and they have this whole WAR against Wet Seal. You see, Wet Seal apparently used real rabbit fur trim on some of its winter items last winter. PETA is in an uproar about this. And i must say- i agree with PETA. I am totally against fur. Always have been, always will be. I am an animal activist to the fullest and killing bunnies and rabbits, or any animal, and using them for any clothing.

Anyways. So PETA does this thing protesting Wet Seal where the first Tuesday of every month they go to the closest Wet Seal and peacefully protest them.
The first Tuesday of July is comming up shortly.
I'm nervous. Fucking. nervous.

OH! I'll write more later.. Britney and Kevin 'Chaotic' is on.
I dont know why, but this show is compelling.

And i dont even like her.

2 only pretend

[21 Jun 2005|01:01pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Reading through 2 days of 'friends entries' just gave me an freakin' headache.

If you havent been able to tell, i am trying to stop swearing. It has turned into an incontrollable, involuntary disease. I say "fuck" with not the slightest hesitation. Seriously. I realized how big of a problem it has become when i was in New Hampshire last week for my friend Hafsa's birthday. She lives in a Catholic home (damn them all) and we were talking about the Cape trip and this kid Evan than was there when i said "He is fucking hilarious!".
Everyone at the table stopped everything- talking, chewing.. breathing. And then her father said "Whoa, whoa, whoa!". My face was instantly the color of my nails- red. So then i looked at Hafsa and said "Why didnt you tell me we weren't allowed to swear?!" and she said to me "Because nobody swears as much as you do, Steph."
Damn it all to hell.
Hafsa's home made me understand why shes 19 and says "Mother Bear" instead of "Mother Fucker". Hahaha.
So that was the deciding factor. I need to cut down on my sailor talk. Jay told me i had the biggest 'potty mouth' of anyone he knows.
And even though none of the guys i've dated have ever told me that it was a problem (because i usually say that if you are that shallow to not like me because of the way i talk then your not worth my fucking time anyways, haha), i still think its highly unattractive.

Whats up with my horoscope today?
(Apr. 21- may 21) 
Control those desires to cast your fate to the wind. 
Travel will promote new romantic connections. Be 
cautious while traveling; minor accidents are evident.

EARTH ELEMENT: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn 
You may have your sights set on new horizons, new ventures 
and the open road today. There really nothing to hold you 
back - so grab some like-minded companions and follow that 
yellow brick road.

Is my name (add f-bomb) Dorothy?

Ahhh. Oh well. I'm a little on the horny side today. I might call Mike to see what he's doing so i can have some sex.
Bad idea, you think? Or who really cares.

Oh, scrambled eggs are calling my name!!!

*peace sign*

2 only pretend

[20 Jun 2005|09:06pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Started Wet Seal today. I'm an Assistant Manager there.
I freakin' LOVE IT.
But i dont wanna quit Illuminations.... my last day is tomorrow... that makes me kinda sad.

Anyways. He called me again today and left me a message asking "where the hell are you?!". None of your buisness, man.
He's working now. And the best part is, i dont even think i want him anymore. And now that i dont i cant get rid of him.
I can never freakin' win.

Lyrics for a new beggining!

I'm talking to the mirror again but it's not listening
I'm cleaning my dirty mind like a toilet but it won't give in
I'm drinking spirits in the hopes that I will find myself one
But all I can rectify is that the party's just begun

Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun

I feel like falling asleep and never waking up
It's not that my glass is empty but I need another cup
When all of the doors around me just shut one by one
I feel like falling asleep but the party's just begun

Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun

Shaky shaky steps in the middle of the day
A fire in my path and a cool decay
Of limbs and tooth under my skin
Oh, freedom, where do I begin
I'm changing my inflection and how I say the words
Maybe it will sound like something they've never heard
Oh, death of the party
I picked up the chalice of malice
And drank till I was full, I drank till I was full
I was thirsty but I drank till I was full,
I drank till I, till I,till I was full

There's a fever in my bones that I know so well
I keep my head low low low to avoid the swell
But it'll be cold in hell, it'll be cold in hell
Before they put me in that chamber
So I'm cleaning up as fast as I can
I'm cleaning up as fast as I can
Cuz you can't unbreak what you break, you can't unfake the very fake
You cannot fuel without a tank,
no you can't unbreak what you break, what you break

Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun
Party's just begun

Party by Nelly Furtado

*peace sign*

2 only pretend

[17 Jun 2005|12:21am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

And the horoscopes keep me thinking!

EARTH ELEMENT: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn 
You need to slow down. If you don't, you're not going to see 
the new idea or opportunity in front of you. You have the 
potential to create something wonderful and new in your 
life. Don't miss it!

EARTH ELEMENT: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn 
Your Guiding Angel today is: The Angel of Elucidation. 
Angelic Advice: Look beneath surface appearances to see the 
truth today. It's possible that not all is it seems, and 
even your own feelings are illusory, so look a little beyond 
the present moment to find reality. Your angels wish you joy 
in: Revelations

No call from Mike today.
Maybe you guys are right. Maybe i'm better off without a prick in my life.

That too bad, though. I thought he was different than the assholes I'm used to.
Oh well. Guess i was wrong.

Not gunna be sad, though.
Not worth it.

2 only pretend

[16 Jun 2005|02:00pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

My horoscope.
Angel Message for EARTH ELEMENT people 
Get rid of an unfulfilling old situation in your life. Your 
angels have a new beginning waiting for  you -- you just 
need a clear sightline to see it!

Yea. So that means get rid of Mike? Cause we def got in a huge fight last night.
He doesnt see the problem with blowing me off for some party. I'm sorry, but i do.

And i love how he calls me when he's drunk to say that he's 'sorry about tonite' and that to call him so 'we can talk about some things'.
Hmmm. Funny.

Well i havent talked to him, yet. We'll have to see what happens.

I secretly hope he calls.

4 only pretend

Hotter than Nevada [08 Jun 2005|12:09pm]
[ mood | hot ]

Holy shit its hot out!!

I love it! Summer is FINALLY here!

Ok. So i leave for the Cape tomorrow and i am sooo fucking excited. Mike's not comming, thank God. So the deal is i'm leaving my house at about 945am, going to work to pick up my check, leaving there to go to Chelmsford to meet up with Lauren, then hitting road to the Cape to meet up with all my lovies! I cant fucking wait. 4 days of drinking, sun, good friends, and Boca Burgers.. what more could you ask for? I am so thrilled.

Sunday when i get back i have to rush home and look at least decent cause its Sandra's graduation from High School. Then my family will probably go out to eat where ever Sandra wants to go, and then im headed up to Newton to see the love of my life Tracy! Probably spending the night up there after drinking and doing some substances, haha.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'll post when i get back.
I need to finish up Tracy's BDay present. I'm putting a bunch of pictures on a cork board with funny captions and inside jokes, i think shes gunna love it!

For the weekend, i'll leave you with some fun pictures and captions that i've got so far...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Yes,  thats really me in a FIREMAN suit.. hahaCollapse )

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GardenBurgers are DELONX! [04 Jun 2005|09:00pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I need a new friggen layout. Fuck dude.

So I've had an interesting weekend thus far. Lots of sun and sex. What i like.
I can say, as of right now, i am generally happy.
Can you believe it?! I bet you cant.

I have lots and lots of great things comming up for me!
Heres an itenerary:

6/8 - Leaving for Cape Cod w/Lauren to stay with about 25 good friends from school and West Springfield.  I'm going to take LOTS of pictures and have an awsome time. I miss my Lasell Men sooo badly :(  i cant wait to see them!! We're going until Sunday.

6/12 - Leaving the Cape to rush back home to see my Little Sis graduate from High School!! How exciting for her... she just turned 18 yesterday.. so weird!

6/12--6/26 - Tracy will be in the Boston area for her Orientation Leader training at school... which means i will be at school EVERY FUCKING NIGHT drinking with her!! Cant wait for this!

6/13 - Dave Matthews concert in CT? Dont have tickets yet, but we will see.

6/20 - Start my new job at Wet Seal as the Assistant Manager!!! 40% clothes!? I'll be broke all the time, but i'll have a ridiculous amount of clothes haha

7/3 - Going to the Hamptons in NY, maybe with Mike, to stay with Tracy for the 4th of July weekend and party it up! I am extremely, EXTREMELY excited for this as well. I can barely hold in my excitement!!!

As you can see, June is a busy month for me! It better be because May was awfully boring and tidious.
Time for laundry and such.

oh and PS- I'm now officially a Vegetarian. *whew* I love it. No more me for me, bitchess!
Next stop, VEGAN!

Song Quote of the day:
"Oh i just wanna sit around your life and breathe your air"
- OAR's 'Hey Girl'

"I'll be the perfect someone that you'll never know"
- Katy Rose's 'Glow'

2 only pretend

[30 May 2005|05:41pm]
[ mood | insanly jealous... ]

If you don’t don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain’t that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there’s so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don’t know, why would you say so?
Won’t you get your story straight.
If you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don’t well, honey, then you don’t.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we’ll be smarter.
And I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.

Don't wanna thing from you.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I should've thought things through.
Yeah I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.
I wanna do right by you.
I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.
I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I holding out, but not getting an answer.
I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.

When you're on, I swear you're on.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
I think the whole room can hear me clear my throat.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
Then out of nowhere, put me right back there.
Rip my heart out, you rip my heart right out.
And we know what happens when we get to your house.
Rip my heart out, you'll rip my heart right out.

only pretend

I'm baaaaaack [20 May 2005|03:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Well, hello.

Yes yes i know- its been a while. I have been so busy though. But anyways, on to some stuff that been on my mind constantly for the past.. eh.. month?

If men love their girlfriends so much, what leads tehm to cheat? I know this is an age-old question, but i'm entirly serious. I need an answer.
What is the girl he cheats with? Merely a 'cheat', or could it be something more? I dont understand how men (and sometimes women) can cheat on their significant other without having any remorse. Dont you wake up thinking 'well i had sex with (insert cheats name) last night, but i still love (insert girlfriends name here)'? How can you be having sex with 2 people and only one out of the 3 not know?

Ok. I feel like i may be talking in circles right now, so i'm going to give an example.
One of my very good friends is sleeping with this guy. He has a girlfriend and they've been together for about a month and a 1/2, which isnt that long but regardless- he has a girlfriend. Well. My friend has been fooling around with him for a while. When they started fooling around he and his girlfriend had only been together for 2 weeks. Not only were they fooling around, but the first time they did so, this guy was sayign a bunch of shit like that he wished he had pursued my friend first and that he was "confused" and "stupid" and all kinds of other things.
Now my friend had feelings for this guy at first after he had said all that stuff- but what girl wouldnt be after hearing all the stuff that girls like to hear? So this guy continues to call her and hang out with her.

Then. They sleep together. She didnt want to at the time and was contemplating ever talking to him after the fact because she felt a little... violated you could say. Thats a whole 'nother story in its self.
So she is still talking to him and sleeping with him now. But she feels bad for his girlfriend, because she knows her and used to hang out with her from time to time at school, and she also feels a little bad about herself. She no longer has feelings for this guy, so shes just sleeping with him for the sex. I think shes realizing that her and him do not really have any chemistry together.. but they do have a few things in common.

For what i can see, shes keeping him aroudn to just keep him around, yea know? And i'm not really sure what kind of advice to give her. I want to be like "well just stay for the sex" and then i wanna be like "how about just staying platonic with him". Its hard for a good friend to make these desicions about advice for friends.

So I'm asking you guys. What would you do?

*peace sign*

6 only pretend

[09 May 2005|04:14pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

Hi guys.

Yea. I'm still alive. Busy as hell. Sorry i haven't posted.

My birthday is in 5 DAYS. I'll be 20.. and thats a little scary.
Need to do my final.. more posts comming soon, i move back home from school tomorrow. Or Wednesday. Not sure.

Love ya.

3 only pretend

[16 Apr 2005|12:54pm]
[ mood | calm ]

wow. losts of stuff going on right now.
havent written in a VERY long time. havent even been to LiveJournal.com in a while.
working alot. only on job now.
skipped alot of classes and nervous about being able to pass or not.

almost fought the girl next door...

pure craziness right now.

2 only pretend

[05 Apr 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

im drunk. i need a cigarette. yes.
i've been drunk since 3........... yea

only pretend

[04 Apr 2005|04:40pm]
[ mood | busy ]

DAMN have i been busy.

Have a HUUUUUUGE post for later........

only pretend

[25 Mar 2005|04:03pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Hell yea.Collapse )

2 only pretend

[24 Mar 2005|01:34pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

they drank up the wine and they got to talking..
they now had more important things to say

only pretend

[22 Mar 2005|10:45am]
[ mood | headache ]

damn am i hurting today.

i'm so sick of getting drunk and making an ass out of myself. why cant i just be a normal, happy drunk like everyone else. i bet everyone in Holt is getting sick of my shit. oh well. fuck 'em.


2 only pretend

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